CJM y amistad.

I haven’t really - TRULY - minded the nonexistent internet and cell phone reception in my town… until now. Alas, here I am - in the dark. Where there is no reality - no nothing.

The other day, we had internet in Catache, and I received an email from my mom regarding my beloved Casey Joe. She told me that he has a tumor in his neck and is currently in the hospital, and the doctors fully expected some combination of paralysis after the surgery. She told me to check my facebook for the news from Sunday (Casey’s sister). I was sitting there in my small internet cabina in the middle-of-nowhere peru with tears pouring out of my eyes.

After sending an email to Sunday, I finally left the cabina. I texted Suzanne to have my Pops call me as soon as he could. When he did, it brought those tears back out - for sure. But, it was so comforting - just to let it all out. Towards the end of the call, he said, “You know, this is the first time you’ve needed any kind of emotional support. Almost a whole year of this solitude - now you reach out. He’s really left a mark in your life, Ashley.” My Casey Joe - he means the world to me. If anything more detrimental than this were to happen to him - I don’t know… Thank goodness gracious the surgery went okay. He is in excellent shape so he is healing quickly.

“Dal centro della mia vita venne una grande fontana.” - Louise Glück
(Italian - translation: From the center of my life, there came a great fountain.)

He is my fountain. He has influenced my life more than he will ever know. He has made me who I am today. The years can fly as fast as they want - but this soul inside of me will never change. And he gave rise to this soul of mine, and will always be apart of my life - as I will always continue be apart of his. Maybe someday the stars will align once again for us. But if not - he will continue to reside in this grand portion of my heart, and he will always have my unconditional companionship. “We’re just 2 lost souls, swimming in a fish bowl - year after year.”

I wish I could be there for my Casey Joe - “to smell the sea and feel the sky.” It often gets laborious in these dark, lonely Andes.

But, that night, I had Andrew calling every hour or so, just to check up on me. I know he’ll forever be in my life. And I just got off the phone after about an hour-long conversation with Omar, who told me to call him anytime I needed someone to talk to.

My Andrew, Omar, and Michael Jackson (Jeff) - I love those damn kids. No matter the amount of time that passes after this shit - no matter which roads we decide to take in this efing, whacked-out, unpredictable journey of life - we’ll always have THIS - each other and the moments we’ve shared here in the middle-of-nowhere peru. Rejection. Difference. Failure. Success. Uncertainty. Raw emotions. Adventure. And definitely some loneliness along the way… loneliness that has somehow turned into strength and independence. It’s a damn roller-coaster, dude. Although we’ve fought all of these internal battles on our own, we’ve always had each other - sharing these experiences along the way. And you know what…? We always will.